Wasting everybody's time, one entry at a time.
Personal blog. Updated daily-ish.

Polyphasic sleep? Sounds intriguing.

I suffer from bouts of insomnia which then turn around to phases of oversleeping and I've tried to fix this issue for years to no avail. Now that I'm working nights, I've noticed that short naps really make all the difference and as I was browsing studies about sleeping patterns and how some people don't have that natural 8h/night rhythm, I stumbled upon polyphasic sleep. Basically it means cutting your nighttime "core" sleep by several hours and replacing the lost time throughout the day with naps which is half of what I'm doing already... sans the regular naps -- I only nap when I feel really tired and haven't actually considered teaching myself to nap to make up for the lost core hours. Apparently, changing the sleeping pattern to this will make you more productive and while it blends the days together, it also removes the stress of having to get so and so much sleep within a certain period of time because even if you just get the 1.5h of core sleep, you can make up for it with breaktime naps etc.

Definitely going to give this a try. I'll keep all y'all posted about the results once I begin gathering data. Not sure if my herbs are allowed for such a lifestyle but I'll definitely look into it. No herbs would mean no can do as I do swear by them but if they're allowed, I'm good to go with an attempt. What's there to lose?

Pamper day!

To celebrate losing 10lbs and keeping it off (we'll just ignore for the day how quickly it came off), I'm having a bit of a pamper day. I've got the coconut oil in my hair, steamed my pores (and am using the water from that to cook some egg & spinach tagliatelle, haha! ) and put an activated charcoal mask on, peeled and oiled my lips, I'm lotioning my body with coconut oil (it's a gift from the gods, I swear), making myself smell hella nice (I have a fetish for the scent, I kid you not). I've had a hot bath and once everything's done brewing up in my hair and on my skin, I'll have a cold one to give my body a bit of a shock (it's the closest I can get to winter swimming in England -- it's good for you, you should try it!) and get my body going for the day.

How's that for some brackety goodness in that opening paragraph?! Sorry! :D

18/04/2018There's still loads of time before my shift so I'm planning a second trip outside as they're promising sunny skies and over +20 degrees Celsius -- I'm getting a hint of a tan, even, from the past few days even if it hasn't really been sunny at all! I think that's just my body releasing all the good hormones and taking in the tiniest bit of Sun now that I've stopped actively poisoning myself and have actually made it a project to take care of myself.

And you know what?

Even if my heart still aches, this being single thing...? It just might be the best thing that's happened to me in decades! I'm currently very self-absorbed, very navel-gazey. I love it. I really enjoy pampering myself, living just for Yours Truly (and the cats, obv). I'm even starting to really enjoy exercise and am actually looking up classes for yoga and dancing and shiz, and I can't wait for the weather to be steadily good so I can just get up and go, have a me day outside of the small town I live in, explore, have adventures, live! Even if Bear and I end up getting back together (don't judge, I still want him back. We were together nearly seven years and that love and affection doesn't go away in a heartbeat) -- and it's currently a massive-ass "if" -- I don't see myself as reverting back to couch potato. I've finally found something that makes me feel so amazingly good, I'm not going to give that up, or my newfound freedom, for anyone.

I'm so tired of being just a girlfriend, or 50% of something. I've lost me. Turns out I actually like me now that she's back, so no matter what happens, be it with Bear or some other guy or gal, I am not letting go of my independence and personal space ever again!

Semi-duvet day

I feel like absolute ass. I look like absolute ass. The cold hands from yesterday were definitely a sign of the bug hitting my system (took surprisingly long for it to do so given I've been near my shift manager who sounds like he's just hit puberty for several days and a good handful of crew members I've worked right next to and have undoubtedly received all sorts from have been dropping off on sickies left, right and centre) and today as I was trying to do a half-decent walk, I struggled to actually stay awake despite being in motion. Always a good sign.

I was out of breath after the mildest of efforts and everything just... well. Nothing hurts as such. But things feel wrong, sluggish, heavy, sort of on the very edge of starting to hurt but not quite there yet... so I'm just going to have a duvet day despite having actual plans for the day. No point aggravating whatever's possessing me because there's no way in Hell I'm going to allow it to grow to a level where I'll have to take time off work to recover -- I'm still financially recovering from the absences that affected my last paycheck. The problem with working long shifts is that if you miss one, you're going to really feel it when it's payday. One shift can easily be worth £90-£100 and when that goes absent from the payslip, it stings.

Anyway. After hanging out at St Lawrence's for a bit (it's a church just outside the city centre; people will seriously start thinking I'm hyper-religious if I don't stop going there but that place is like a safe haven to me, I can breathe easily when I'm visiting so I do it often) I cut my walk short because I was feeling so out of it and just shuffled off to the pet store to stare at fish for a bit (don't laugh, it calms me down; I really need to start planning my own aquarium) before re-routing back home before I passed out in public because it genuinely felt like that was about to happen. I only did a 4.5km walk as opposed to my usual 6-9km route, leaving me 3k+ steps short of 10k for the time being at least which is annoying because I've been doing so well on that front (11.9km on Saturday!) but health comes first.

17/04/2018Did manage to visit 59B... that is, the swan who is hatching eggs (59B being the ID number on her tag) right now who has become my regular pit stop as of late. Really need to think of a name for her. I was thinking Beyonce, but nah. Not a fan. Betty? Beatrice? Bella? Bernice? Hmm. I like Bernice. I'll have to think on that one. She wasn't in an egg-sharing mood today and I didn't want to disturb her but I assume the eggs are still there and she wasn't sitting on five (yup, I miscounted the first time: it's five instead of four) hatchlings...

Also visited the nearest cemetary because that's just the mood I'm in today. I like reading the old tombstones, finding odd/rare/beautiful old names... I might start doing rubbings. What can I say? I'm a creepy girl, always have been.

As for the now-cancelled plans: I was meant to go to Pershore (a teeny tiny town nearby that basically consists of council houses, an industrial sector and several home improvement shops) to sort out some basic repairs for our flat but that'll just have to wait. The rate my energy levels are dropping, I'd probably doze off in the train and end up in... hold up, what's in that direction? Well, whatever's really far away from here.

Today's also my "official" monthly cheat day but since it's so early on in my progress, I'm not going to bother. Plus I'm not in the mood for junk food anyway, I just want to hydrate like a mofo, bundle up on the couch and put on some Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers and doze in and out of consciousness. In fact... that's exactly what I'm going to do right now.

Guys, don't get this bug. It's a pain in the ass. :( Wash those hands super diligently. Scrub. Peel. Destroy the germs. Eat ALL THE GARLIC. You don't want this.

//And yes, I know "duvet day" technically means that it's an extra day off whereas I'm on a rota'd day off today but I was asked to cover my crew trainer today and I'm sure as heck not going in like this. So it's technically still sort of a duvet day. Shush, you.

Ten days up, ten pounds down

I don't know if I've ever lost weight this quickly, nor do I know if it's a good or a bad thing. I think I'm going to try a few days without the herbs to see if it slows things down any because I'm fairly certain that ten pounds in as many days isn't within the range of a healthy pace especially since today I've felt oddly cold (my hands, especially) and tired. Now, I could just be coming down with the bug that everyone at work has, as well, which could explain the shivers just as easily but I'm going to play it safe in any case and try to slow things down a bit.

Don't want to be playing with my health, now. As much as I love the fact that it's all basically melting off, a woman my age shouldn't be risking it. Hormonal imbalances are no walk in the park and last time I did this serious weight loss business, I lost my gall bladder... and I sure as fel don't want to be going through anything that painful ever again!

...on the other hand, the paternal side of my family is heavily inclined toward type II diabetes (and the risk-raising belly fat that I, too, am accumulating more and more the older I get) so I'm not 100% feeling bad about losing weight quickly. It's a conundrum that my brain just loves to revel and be confused at, at the moment. Things are good, but bad, but kind of good which can also be bad because it might be bad despite being good. DING. Your fried brain is ready!

So right now I'm in a mental battle with myself to not pursue this route of unhealthily quick weight loss. I feel like I owe it not to myself but to my nearest and dearest not to start playing with my health, though, but I also feel that I need to mention it in terms of accountability since I have started reporting on my lifestyle changes in all other aspects as well.

But boy do I want to actually DOUBLE my herb intake.

Fourteen: the goal

These past few days I've been staring at my body. Grabbing it. Jiggling it. Shifting it around. Twirling in front of a mirror. There's things I like: my boobs, my hips, my overall shape when I extend myself to actually show it instead of the collapsed Michelin Man version. Then there's things I don't like: the belly and the overall blobbiness.

I'm currently a size 20UK which is not the largest I've been (that honour goes to 2009's size 26UK) but it's getting to that point where I'm not even slightly comfortable in my own skin. Yes, the direction my weight is going is the right one at the moment but I still need an overall plan of what to go for within the limits of where I can go with my body type.

A bit of studying puts me in the same body type category as Nigella Lawson, Christina Hendricks, Titanic-era Kate Winslet, and Ginger Spice Geri Halliwell at her heaviest (even if her assets were plastic, she still has a similar frame; can't find a picture of her at the Istanbul concert which is what I'm envisioning). I think I'm meant to be a little bit on the "bigger" side because I'm very top-heavy, have a relatively small waist, and then again very wide hips -- my boobs and hips are in cahoots and tend to always be around the same size so I'm definitely a clear hourglass, if an exaggerated one at the moment.

The one thing I find in common between the aforementioned ladies is that they've all had "size 14" mentioned in an article or photo about them. So that's my goal. Fourteen here we come.

The first Spring day

Today was an absolutely gorgeous day and, having regained my energy from the Menstrual Monster overnight, I decided to grab my phone and head out to take photos of the first warm, sunny day of the year. Seeing as the weather was beautiful and there was an event in the town centre, everyone and their mother was out so I ended up skimming the outskirts on both(!! I had to come home after two hours {8km of walking} in the morning to recharge my battery but went back out at 2:450PM for another hour with my neighbour. Note to self: buy a few spare mobile power banks!) walks rather than spending a whole lot of time amongst the masses -- a people person, I am not and never will be. I prefer my animal friends, ta.

Speaking of my animal friends... I visit the park swans pretty much daily. Today, one of them let me take a peek at her four(!!) eggs without throwing a hissy fit. I wouldn't even have noticed them had she not deliberately made noise and lifted herself off the batch, almost like she was proudly showing off her masterpiece. I know that's probably not the case and she was just randomly honking for no reason and I just so happened to be there but I'd like to think I'm making progress by visiting the beauties so regularly for the fourth year running that they're slowly starting to consider me to be the Human-They-Don't-Mind.

I shoved all the photos from today over to my Flickr so have a look if you want. I'm off to nap now before working a silly-arse 7PM-4AM shift that makes absolutely no sense. Toodles~!

...and then she yawned

To the boys in the back: this entry mentions (and heavily relies on) my period so if you're of the male persuasion (I'm assuming most men still have some primal issue with the topic based on personal observations), or you're just squeamish about the subject, or would just rather not read anything about the more-or-less monthly visitor a lot of women get, sit this one out. Peace.

When it comes to menses, I'm one of the very lucky ones who doesn't double over in pain for seven days, get major mood swings, headaches, diarrhoea, any of that nastiness although that wasn't the case until I was taken off pretty much every medication I was on due to liver issues... including birth control. And once my injection ran out, it's made things even easier. Over the course of like... two years? I've gone from seven days of bleeding to death in agony to one/two days of really low flow that doesn't require more than a panty liner. No cramps. None.

What I do get is fatigue. Fatigue and bloating. I swear I expand an entire clothing size for two days and then just deflate overnight to status quo once my body's done spewing the Wrath of the Uterus forth but the fatigue is by far more irritating because for a day or two, I can't keep my eyes open. Every bone in my body aches. I get out of breath walking to the store which is five minutes away. You can just forget about going out for a jog which is just as well because my appetite joins my energy on the mini-vacation they take where ever they go when they leave me bleeding.

I've taken in maybe 200 calories today in the form of tomato juice and it's almost 11PM. Slept through breakfast. Lunch consisted of a bistro salad with soy sauce, a few slices of tomato and cucumber thrown in to pretend it had nutricious value. Slept through dinner. Been up about an hour and I'm just about ready to kip in for the night and it pisses me off slightly because I know I'll be paying for the lack of calories in the form of a mini plateau once it's all over and done with.

So no judging. I'm bleeding. And sleeping. Peace out.